Courage
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I have a million things to do, some things to write, tidy up the house. I'm cold and and I am trying to focus, but it isn't going to happen. Nope, because all I can think about is Courage. I am just not going to get anything done, nope not until this blog is written, it wants to be written and needs to be written.......
Lets start several weeks ago. The full moon in December 2012, I was asked to go with a friend to a Full Moon labyrinth. I went, there was nothing very profound about it. I had a great time, but like I said there was nothing profound...... or was there? Before we nestled down by the fire for some basic instructions, we were told to write some things on flash paper. I don't remember what I wrote exactly, but I do know that I wrote "to remove those things that no longer served me". If I had known what the outcome would be, I most likely wouldn't have written that. I am selfish, I love big, and don't like change. So why ask for this? Well because things have become muddled. I have found it hard to distinguish where the line is between what I want, what I think is best, and what really is. I am great at helping others with a very high accuracy rate, but when it comes to myself, I do struggle. So clutching the flash paper, I wind my way through the labyrinth. At the center I said my prayers, and let my requests float on the waves of magic out into the universe. There before me was a basket, I didn't look at the basket, I merely slid my hand in, smooth rocks moved around and tumbled through the basket. I whispered, give me the stone with the message that I need, the one that is right for me. I held the rock until I was out of the labyrinth and back into the mundane world. I read the message and it said Courage, I scoffed a bit, I am fearless! I charge forward tackling problems and situations as they come, I never back down. My good friend got a special rock with 2 words, peace and love. The others seamed to have gotten all wonderful rocks with words like happiness, grounding etc. I felt a bit jipped, but I also trust my Gods and my Guides. I placed my stone on my desk and that was that!
Now we arrive at 2013 the year has just begun and the amazing things that are happening are wonderful! I am so blessed and January isn't even over! I had made lists of things that no longer served me, started to sell off old Bellydance costumes, give away old magical items I no longer used and knew others would cherish. I cleaned out my closet. I was removing the clutter! I was very happy. Then like always things turn, one min you KNOW your path and your destiny and the next you are left feeling betrayed, lied to, angry, and all the while helping others through the same feelings. I love my friends (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE ;) ) I am always here for them, it is my work to help, I do know that! That hasn't changed at all! During the height of my feelings, and confusion while wadeing through a mix of feelings. The boys tumble into the house, chaos ensues, cats scatter, the silence is broke. They come in with bags, of groceries, and other goodies from Nanna's house. I'm in my own world when I hear "here your mom wanted you to have this" I take a look its a flier from my mothers church. I cringe a bit, but then, as I look the message is clear! In big bold letters is the word COURAGE. I gape, and then my heart sinks. I read on, It says 1. The ability to do something that frightens one. 2. Strength in the face of pain or grief.
I am fearless I have always been, but Courage is not the same as being fearless........
Now I want to stop here for a moment so that many of you don't get the wrong idea. I am not changing my path, DON'T WORRY! I have however, over the years healed from the hurt the church has caused me, and am able to understand that our Guides, and Gods work in strange ways, I don't think that they have clearly drawn lines on religion, they transcend religion and I honestly don't think that they care. So if they want me to get a message and the message comes from my mothers church well then so be it.
Ok! So back to Courage not being the same as fearlessness. It just isn't, fearlessness (at least for me) comes from adrenaline. Courage is something I have to muster up from the depths of my soul and force forward. I think that my timid nature, combine with my fearlessness has helped to catapult this Courage forth when it is needed. I know what must be done, I don't like it. It is NOT what I expected, and I have a MILLION and one arguments as to why not! The anguish doesn't subside, and I do feel alone. I re-read the paper, it says "Facing the Unknown" it has a picture of a mountain climber. As I look at the picture the image of "The Fool" from the tarot deck card 0 comes to mind. In fact the more I look at it the more I KNOW it is "The Fool"! I say to my Gods and Guides OK! message received. I make some hard phone calls, talk to my spirit guides, and human guides. I think of a neutral party, some one who helped me start on this path and have a chat with him. I feel better, and I do what needs to be done. This is one of the hardest things EVER, but it just has to be done. I let go of everything and pick up my tiny pack, and head down the path, I am "The Fool" There is so much meaning to this, I feel as if I have been fooled, been foolish, but yet I feel ok like what awaits me on the other side of the ridge, the "unknown" is good, and where I should be.
Sometimes when you are stuck all you have to do is go back to the beginning. So here I am, I am at 0, but like "The Fool" I will have Courage to walk the path, though alone, I will walk it. One step in front of the other. I am glad that the next step in the Tarot path is The Magician, and then The High Priestess, how I will reach the High Priestess with my decisions I do not know, but I place those things in the hands of the Gods and with COURAGE I move forward.................
Lets start several weeks ago. The full moon in December 2012, I was asked to go with a friend to a Full Moon labyrinth. I went, there was nothing very profound about it. I had a great time, but like I said there was nothing profound...... or was there? Before we nestled down by the fire for some basic instructions, we were told to write some things on flash paper. I don't remember what I wrote exactly, but I do know that I wrote "to remove those things that no longer served me". If I had known what the outcome would be, I most likely wouldn't have written that. I am selfish, I love big, and don't like change. So why ask for this? Well because things have become muddled. I have found it hard to distinguish where the line is between what I want, what I think is best, and what really is. I am great at helping others with a very high accuracy rate, but when it comes to myself, I do struggle. So clutching the flash paper, I wind my way through the labyrinth. At the center I said my prayers, and let my requests float on the waves of magic out into the universe. There before me was a basket, I didn't look at the basket, I merely slid my hand in, smooth rocks moved around and tumbled through the basket. I whispered, give me the stone with the message that I need, the one that is right for me. I held the rock until I was out of the labyrinth and back into the mundane world. I read the message and it said Courage, I scoffed a bit, I am fearless! I charge forward tackling problems and situations as they come, I never back down. My good friend got a special rock with 2 words, peace and love. The others seamed to have gotten all wonderful rocks with words like happiness, grounding etc. I felt a bit jipped, but I also trust my Gods and my Guides. I placed my stone on my desk and that was that!
Now we arrive at 2013 the year has just begun and the amazing things that are happening are wonderful! I am so blessed and January isn't even over! I had made lists of things that no longer served me, started to sell off old Bellydance costumes, give away old magical items I no longer used and knew others would cherish. I cleaned out my closet. I was removing the clutter! I was very happy. Then like always things turn, one min you KNOW your path and your destiny and the next you are left feeling betrayed, lied to, angry, and all the while helping others through the same feelings. I love my friends (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE ;) ) I am always here for them, it is my work to help, I do know that! That hasn't changed at all! During the height of my feelings, and confusion while wadeing through a mix of feelings. The boys tumble into the house, chaos ensues, cats scatter, the silence is broke. They come in with bags, of groceries, and other goodies from Nanna's house. I'm in my own world when I hear "here your mom wanted you to have this" I take a look its a flier from my mothers church. I cringe a bit, but then, as I look the message is clear! In big bold letters is the word COURAGE. I gape, and then my heart sinks. I read on, It says 1. The ability to do something that frightens one. 2. Strength in the face of pain or grief.
I am fearless I have always been, but Courage is not the same as being fearless........
Now I want to stop here for a moment so that many of you don't get the wrong idea. I am not changing my path, DON'T WORRY! I have however, over the years healed from the hurt the church has caused me, and am able to understand that our Guides, and Gods work in strange ways, I don't think that they have clearly drawn lines on religion, they transcend religion and I honestly don't think that they care. So if they want me to get a message and the message comes from my mothers church well then so be it.
Ok! So back to Courage not being the same as fearlessness. It just isn't, fearlessness (at least for me) comes from adrenaline. Courage is something I have to muster up from the depths of my soul and force forward. I think that my timid nature, combine with my fearlessness has helped to catapult this Courage forth when it is needed. I know what must be done, I don't like it. It is NOT what I expected, and I have a MILLION and one arguments as to why not! The anguish doesn't subside, and I do feel alone. I re-read the paper, it says "Facing the Unknown" it has a picture of a mountain climber. As I look at the picture the image of "The Fool" from the tarot deck card 0 comes to mind. In fact the more I look at it the more I KNOW it is "The Fool"! I say to my Gods and Guides OK! message received. I make some hard phone calls, talk to my spirit guides, and human guides. I think of a neutral party, some one who helped me start on this path and have a chat with him. I feel better, and I do what needs to be done. This is one of the hardest things EVER, but it just has to be done. I let go of everything and pick up my tiny pack, and head down the path, I am "The Fool" There is so much meaning to this, I feel as if I have been fooled, been foolish, but yet I feel ok like what awaits me on the other side of the ridge, the "unknown" is good, and where I should be.
Sometimes when you are stuck all you have to do is go back to the beginning. So here I am, I am at 0, but like "The Fool" I will have Courage to walk the path, though alone, I will walk it. One step in front of the other. I am glad that the next step in the Tarot path is The Magician, and then The High Priestess, how I will reach the High Priestess with my decisions I do not know, but I place those things in the hands of the Gods and with COURAGE I move forward.................
